Movies That Blow

Twilight (2008)

Main Actors/Actresses: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner

So this movie pretty much deserves it's own blog in general just to describe how horrendous this movie is. I barely could stand it, but since I'm doing a blog about terrible movies.... I had to. I hated this movie with an absolute passion. Never in the history of movies have vampires looked more like fruit loops than in this movie. This movie, set in Forks, Washington, downs all movies in all! I read part of the book and was fairly interested to my surprise. Then this movie changed everything.

It’s like Stephanie Meyer had nothing better to do with her life, I’d preferably set this as a kids movie since nothing about this really represents vampires, it more so represents a movie that someone being held hostage would make. I wouldn’t even make it if I was being held hostage, I’d rather them kill me compared to even watching this movie, even less making it. Stephanie Meyer needs to be ashamed for writing this book and letting anyone even turn it into a movie. I’m actually pretty surprised the Robert Pattinson didn’t kill himself after this movie? It’s a bit scary how you can be a “gay” vampire and not do anything about it. When I think about vampires, I usually think about blood, ferocious, and even deadly.

This movie pretty much made me think about how the movies being produced nowadays have no meaning and absolutely no moral except always do what you want and not what you need. All this movie really relayed in the terms of morals is that vampires sparkle in the sunlight, never go to Washington, and most of all…Twilight is RETARDED, along with Stephanie Meyers.

1. Watch if necessary

2. Brutally Painful

3. Save your friends from watching it

4. Rip your eyes out

5. Burn all copies you see

Of course I couldn't end this review without an alternate ending! I would pretty much say have Bella jump out in front of Edwards car and get hit on accident and then he claims he never knew. Of course there wouldn't be any proof on the car since she was so tiny! Another scenario could be where she tries to do a back-flip on one of the dirt bikes and then crash lands it in a pond! Of course that isn't the end....An Alligator Snapping Turtle has to eat her up after that so that there isn't ever a trace of her. But then there's a problem...What happens to Edward and Jacob at the end? Obviously you can tell how they just stare at each other...That means somehow at the end....Not going to say how...But there are vampire werewolf mutts. I won't go into detail as to how this occurred, but it does.

Thanks for reading!

Suggestions?

The Life Project (2010-2011)

This is a movie I personally was involved in along with my friends. This was supposedly supposed to be an interesting movie that turned out to suck!! I only volunteered to be in it to just hang out with some friends. It turned out to be one of the worst decisions. Not to be against any religions, but this was a Catholic movie that was supposed to promote against abortions. This wasn't really brought to my attention until I actually started acting in the movie! I hated it.... It was dumb and idiotic, to say the nicest. I honestly thought this movie lacked all things basic to movies, from setting to character!! It had the most random people that we're stuck up and not a bit concerned about actually promoting non-abortion. There wasn't a bit of life in this movie, it was more depressing than anything. It seemed like they were only trying to turn you away from having a kid. I'd have an abortion compared to being in that movie again. They also probably broke a couple laws.... But honestly to tell the truth...I don't even believe this movie was put into production. I'm completely happy they didn't either, it's much better than making any human go through the horror of how terrible this movie was. I guess I could say one nice thing about this movie....Being a part of this filming in this movie did did give me a couple great things...A lot of Starbucks Frappucinoes!! Thank you!!!

War of The Worlds (2005)

War Of The Worlds

Main Actors/Actresses: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, and Justin Chatwin

Ok...Where to start about this movie? It SUCKED, majorly. I don't even know what to start with...whether it was Dakota Fanning yelling over every single thing, or the opposite driving. I mean I'm not an actor much or anything, but really? Make it more realistic!! But let's get something clear from the start, I watched it with someone and they saw the exact same thing, so don't ask me if I'm on LSDs....I'm not. In the very beginning, I'm pretty sure this is with everyone, but no one will just walk into the house as calm as Ray (Tom Cruise) did after they just got covered in ashes of people that just got incinerated in front of him. I would be freaking out, breaking the door down. I'm not gonna go and act like it was nothing!! Another moment, where the lightning storm was "cool." Rachel (Dakota Fanning) could not be much more annoying. Just standing there saying you want to go in the house? DO IT?!?! No one is going to stand out there and watch lighting like a foot away from their face. To tell the truth, Rachel was the main reason that turned me off of this movie... All the yelling she did...That could have been pulled off if it was in SAW II with her head being chopped off but no....There was no reason to scream as much! Yelling that you want your mom in the most annoying voice is NOT going to make you get there any faster. Another hilarious part was the when Ray had the only working car in the whole world, the steering was wrong? He turned the steering wheel to the left and the car went to the right? I thought the car was supposed to turn the way you turned the steering wheel? That was just terrible for one. Then they get to the Mom's house and of course no other electricity works but all the lights in that house? When Robbie picks up the phone he gets a dial tone meaning it's on! Why check if there are batteries in the phone if you got a dial tone, which there shouldn't have been if there wasn't any power anywhere else. So dropping all of this... How is there going to be a giant storm that tears down house and brings planes down from the sky and tears them apart, but then he comes up the stair well, and the things on the wall such as the plate and the plant next to it were perfect? Completely untouched and not a speck of dust on them? How is a plane engine going to be in that house, still turning the blades, and not cause any commotion in the house? That was a 747 in that scene and those engines are capable of ripping a house into shreds. Each engine producing 56,000 lbs. of thrust and those walls aren't shredded apart? That's impossible right there. Another thing on the plane is that the nose of a 747 isn't half that pointed! They're more rounded compared to that thing they called a "Plane." Another dumb moment in this movie was when the lady in the van asked if he was on the plane when it crashed? How could he live that? The plane was torn to pieces, burned, and then you got to remember, the Aliens were in that place, HE WASN'T ON THAT PLANE! Then Rachel trying to push Robbie like she was all hard and strong, that was hilarious! But seriously, if Dakota Fanning ever reads this somehow....Learn to act more mature, no one will yell over something that small! The whole movie was honestly a disappointment, a shame, and any other word you could put to it. They could have at least added a good ending? Something like the following:

They shoot down the tripod, Alien monster thing? Then when it crashes and that door opens, the Aliens send out a small baby alien that's holding a white sign that says "FRIENDS?" and then his other hand with the peace sign up. The Army then lets some of it's guard down to acknowledge that they are in friendly company and then the Alien busts out with some M16's with 203 Frag launchers and a G36E with a little Shotgun attachment! HAHAHA DOOM!!

That could at least be a reasonable ending to how big of a joke this movie was. I personally think it would fit perfectly. The only good thing about this movie would probably be the Shelby Mustang in the beginning. NOTHING ELSE! But again..That's my opinion and of course my friend's (Spinner, To keep identity secret). Hope if you watch this movie it's against your will, if not...I don't know what in the whole world would ever persuade you to watch such an abomination. Hope you enjoyed this review and hopefully many more to come!! Any suggestions on movie's PLEASE feel free to suggest them!! Best way would be to send me a message on Facebook, the link is at the bottom of the page!

Thanks again for reading!

P.S.-They could have gotten rid of the bad cars such as the Fords, Chevys and Buicks. NOT the Mercedes, Dodge, Infinitis, or Pontiacs!! Especially the Pontiac since I'm a Bonneville owner.

1. Watch if necessary

2. Brutally painful
3. Save your friends from watching it